It is OFFICIAL my weigh in has moved

Hey All,

So I usually weigh in on Sunday, but after talking to a friend who is acting as a kind of personal trainer for me we have decided that I should weigh in on Wednesdays.  I’m Done Being The Fat Girl at does her weigh in on Wednesday, which also helped me make the move.

I feel a little relieved to have moved my weigh ins.  Sunday is what I consider the beginning of my week, but it is also a rest day for me, which when I have bad numbers leaves me with tons of time to rehash all I did the week before.  This can and has in the past created a downward spiral that can cause me to eat…cause what’s the point of continuing on and so on and so forth – basically all the self hatred and disgust come to a boil.


Having it on Wednesday doesn’t allow me that time.  I have work, then I have to pick up my mom from work, and the most helpful thing is that I meet and workout with my personal trainer that day and if I need to talk she is always there to listen and help me analyze and strategize.

Last Week Sunday – 7/20/2014
349.0 lb.

Current Weight – 7/23/2014
343.4 lb.

Down 5.6 lb.

I know it has only been 3 days, so I am taking this loss with a little hinderance as I know that our bodies flux, but I hope to keep as much of it off and then some. Either way as long as I know that I am giving it my all – eating right and exercising – then all I can do is keep moving forward.

The Universe is in my thoughts there by so are you. Be blessed.

<3 Hill

1st – 30 Day Challenge

Hey All,

So after reading a few blogs where they have 30 day challenges I decided to start one of my own.  Thank you to Walking My Way to Skinny at for being my primary inspiration.  I currently don’t do walking as an exercise.  I have planters fasciitis in both my heels.  After any exercise on my feet that night and the next day my heels are inflamed, but prolonged walking of any type means that the next morning I can barely put weight on my heels.

As not to let this foot problem get to me I do Zumba, elliptical, and weight training.  The Zumba and Elliptical both have varying degrees of pain, but no where near as painful as when I do a few miles of walking.  People say that if you buy inserts for your shoes it drastically helps, but I just don’t have $300 – $600 right now to have personal inserts made for my shoes.


It is for the above reasons I have decided that my 30 day Challenge is going to be reaching 36,000 strides on the elliptical.  

Start Date: 7/23/2014
End Date: 8/21/2014

In my workout plan I do the elliptical twice a week for 30 minutes spread between circuits of weight lifting.  On a great day I can get roughly 2900 strides in 30 minutes, which means that if I keep up with my twice a week workout plan that I will hit 5,800 strides.  To meet my weekly goal of 9000 I will need to get in 3,200 extra strides.

I think it is doable and I hope that it pushes me a little to put in a little more elliptical time to reach my goal.  Something funny is that I used to hate the elliptical cause the few times in the long ago past that I would try it while holding the arm part which gives your arms a workout while your legs are working out and I could not for my life get the rhythm down and felt off kilter.  If you have read my weigh in posts you know I weigh 349 pounds, but you don’t know that my bra size is a 44G…


So to say the least as my body is on the down motion, but my breast are still a movement behind which just threw me off, so this time around I don’t use the arm mover thingy I just use the stationary are rest place.  The things a girls gotta do to get her breast to cooperate while working out :)

Wish me luck and I will keep you posted through posts about my weekly totals, but I have a page dedicated to my 30 day Challenge, which I hope there are many to come.

The Universe is in my thought there by so are you. Be blessed.

<3 Hill

Sunday Weigh In Time :)

Hey All,

So it has been a bit cause time seems to get away from me.  About a week and a half ago I wasn’t feeling too well, but I was on the getting better side of a cold, so I did make it to Zumba at the YMCA which is always fun.  Damn did I sweat up a puddle that I mopped up as it was running down my face with a towel.  Didn’t help that at some points one of my nostrils would become stuffed.  There was definitely lost of huffing and puffing going on.  I do love Zumba at the YMCA though.



The Zumba at the YMCA has such a variety of clientele that you don’t feel out of place.  I am by far the largest person in the class, but to hell with it.  I go in there and do the best that I can.  After class while filling up our water bottles a young woman commented on how I stuck it out through the entire thing.  The comment was on the she was surprised spectrum, but I choose to take that as a compliment.  I hope to keep going and working on my fitness in the upcoming week.

I will be combining two weeks of weigh in in one to play catch up.

I had a weird week where I didn’t think I did that horrible, but ended up with the scale saying I put on 9.2 pounds

6/30/14 Sunday: 344.2

7/6/14 Sunday: 353.4 –> Gain of 9.2

7/8/14 Tuesday: 344.6 – Unofficial Weigh In cause quite frankly I had a severe stomach ache through Monday and Tuesday.

7/13/14 Sunday: 349.8 – Loss of 3.6

7/20/14 Sunday: 349.0 – Loss of 0.8

So it has been a weird weigh in segment for me, but I can’t undo that now, so I am looking forward to the next week.  I often spend so much time looking back on the shoulda, woulda, and coulda moments that I lose track of all the great things that I have to be thankful for in my life. So I hope to make it happen by looking forward and living in the present more than in the past.


I hope to get in more posts this week on things in my life and things I come across. The universe is in my thoughts there by so are you.

Be Blessed,

<3 Hill

Blue Light = Wakefulness

Hey All,

So I came across a blog or website call Authority Nutrition written by a medical student from Iceland.  It has a lot of really great articles based on the scientific approach.  Well one of the articles titles How Blue Light at Night Can Transform Your Sleep, which suggests that the light of the blue wave length can basically trick your brain into believing it is day light.  The article suggests that exposing oneself to blue light in the evening is detrimental to sleep patterns.

I don't know, but I want to find out.

I don’t know, but I want to find out.

I sleep with my TV on all night due to anxiety I need to have background noise to fall asleep.  I also use my computer late at night and have lighting coming in through my windows and from my lamp for most of the evening.  I don’t think that this is a cure all, but on those rare occasion that I do fall asleep with having used my computer or having the TV being on I do notice that I sleep better.  The article gives some fixes for those wanting to lessen the effect of blue light exposure.

Amber colored glasses

Amber colored glasses

The article first suggests that a person could wear amber colored sunglasses which block most of the blue light especially while working on the computer in the evening cause lets be honest…how many of us are going to put the computer away in the afternoon and not use it once the sun goes down.  Certainly not me.

Computer Screen Cover

Computer Screen Cover

Another great idea he provides is purchasing a screen cover to filter out the blue light.  He provides some other great tips, so if you are interested in reading this article check out his website at the following link:

I thought is was quite strange to run across this article because two months ago my friend Jen and I were discussing how she was trying to block out lights, so that she will sleep better. Remember the universe is always in my thoughts, there by so are you.

Be Blessed,

<3 Hill


Me and My Eating

Hey All,

Since I have been struggling for the last two weeks with eating I thought that I would do a post about my eating and the habits that I need to replace.  I didn’t get to 300+ pounds just because I do exercise.  A large part of my weight gain has to do with the food that I constantly consume.  I am addicted to food.  Fast food to be exact.  Over the past two weeks I have discovered that I eat until I feel super full and slightly sick, and as soon as that feeling goes away I eat more until that feeling returns.  In the past I would have sworn I hated that feeling of being over full, and yet over the past two week there have been many moments where I am feeling about ready to burst and yet as soon as that feeling passes even when I am telling myself that “You’re not hungry” I am putting more food in my mouth.

A lot of nights this past week I went to sleep over full and woke up feeling like the food was still in my esophagus…which I know is dangerous since my cousin suffers from severe GERD.  What is my problem.  It is simple I am addicted to fast food.  I won’t put up actual pictures of the fast food that I have been eating, but the Rugrats pic is pretty much how I felt most of this week.

damn sure what I feel like when I am craving

damn sure what I feel like when I am craving


Quite frankly it is a little scary and slightly disconcerting that at 350+ pounds that I can’t just call it quits and change my life.  Baby steps are necessary, but what is it going to take for me to get my shit together and make the changes stick in the long run.  I have a friend and she said her 30th birthday was it for her, but I just don’t see it for me.  I know that I need to be accountable to myself and other about what I am eating, but sometimes my life just gets so full I feel like I am drowning.  It isn’t necessarily that drowning feeling that gets to me rather the little things that in life that I leave unsaid.

Little things like being irritated with family members, worries about paying bills, worries about my future, feeling like a failure even though I have come so far, and worries about whether I wasted my time going to school when I am not currently using my degree.  For a bit there I saw the light, but it seems that I can’t seem to get a good grip on it and hold it still for more than a moment.


All these perceived notions are mine.  They come from what I believe others expect from me or what they expect for me to do.  People can say what they want but being the responsible one isn’t all it is cut out to be.  You end up being the person everyone relies on, and that is no one fault but yours…and mine…for enabling them to believe that you will be there safety net.  When the safety net is being worn thin…no one is safe.

Since life isn’t going the way I thought it would perhaps I need to stop expecting others to do the right thing by me and worry more about doing the right thing for myself before ensuring that others are taken care of all the time.  I am not ready to lay all my family struggles out there right now.  I figure they need to hear it from my mouth before reading it on a blog, but I will be working on speaking more freely and owning my feelings and realities.  Do I believe that this is the only reason that I have a food addiction…no, but it is a start.

Remember the universe is in my thoughts thereby so are you.

Be Blessed,

<3 Hill

Friday Evening Musings

Hey All,

So it has been about two weeks and boy do I have a lot going on.  I am currently under the weather all across the board.  Mentally my mind is so out of it that the simplest things are hard for me to accomplish, physically I have been coughing and coughing up for a bit this week.  Sinus infection is what I am hoping this is, but hopefully it will be almost out of my system by next week.  Emotionally I am all over the place…like I am about to begin my period excepts it is about two weeks away.

This is pretty much what I feel like all day every day...lately

This is pretty much what I feel like all day every day…lately

As the caption says I have pretty much been dragging my body around from place to place and I am just so damn tired all the damn time.  I don’t know who much sleep is optimum for me to be getting cause even when I get the “accepted” 8 hours I still feel wonky in a bad way.  I have been taking my medication along with a multi vitamin, but so far nothing is helping but huge amounts of sleep like 14 hours some time and then I feel alert.  Guess it is more guess work ahead to find what is right for me.

So true, so why do I care so much.

So true, so why do I care so much.

On the weight loss front I had some weird results that quite frankly I am just trying not to even focusing on any more.  But I gotta vent a little.  On 6/29/2014 I weighed in sat 344.2 which is about another 7 pounds down.  The following week I didn’t do so well on the eating especially Fri and Sat, so I expected some weight gain, but on 7/6/2014 the scale read 353. 4 which is a 9.2 pound gain.  I felt a little disconcerted like how the hell did I gain 9.2 in a week.  My eating was off, but I was still hitting the gym and saw my personal trainer so what was up.  Well then I ended up with a stomach ache because of the crap I was ingesting and got on the scale on Tuesday 7/8/2014 I weighed 344.6 which means in two days I lost about 8.8 pounds.  Wonky and so not what I wanna deal with.

Well each week brings a new weigh in and the weigh in for the most part is what I make it.  The scale isn’t the only factor, but for so many of us trying to lose weight it does become the be all end all.  No matter how many time I give the advice about not letting the scale cause strife between the journey and all you have accomplished some how I fail to take it my self.

So lots going on, but my biggest problem is my eating which deserves it’s very own post since I don’t wanna bore anyone out their.  So until next time the universe is in my thoughts, thereby so are you.

Be Blessed,

<3 Hill


Missing, Cheating, & Worried

Hey All,

I am currently in the second week of my journey.  I am still trying my best to eat as clean and raw as possible, but ever since Monday I have been having serious craving for sugar and carbs.  I have managed not to go out and gobble up any donuts I could find, but gosh the urges are crazy.  I am pretty sure this is normal since I haven’t eaten any processed carbs or sugar in a week and a half, but why oh why does it have to be so hard.  In order to cut off any crazy gobble fest action today and yesterday I had a small, All Fruit Jamba Juice.  These items did help, but at the same time my mind doesn’t feel it was enough.

I had a friend tell me today that depriving myself isn’t a smart idea and I believe it.  Thank fully the two week hiatus from carbs is up this Saturday.  I won’t be going hog wild with carbs and sugars afterwards, but I will be incorporating them in moderation to my meal plans.  I have also been told  that I should have a cheat meal once a week, but I am debating that one…*Do you think it is a good idea – why or why not?*…I just don’t know if I can have a cheat meal with out binging.

On another matter…my nutrition is a worry for me as I am not kitchen savvy, nor do I eat a wide variety of foods.  I hope to keep trying new things and that they allow me to venture away from chicken every day.  I need to seriously sit down for a few hours and just concentrate on looking at recipes to learn more ways to deal with food.

Well until the next time